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Monthly Archives: March 2013
TIP OF THE COCKBLOCK: FINER POINTS OF SOCIAL MEDIA
03/29/2013 · CATEGORY: Tip of the Cockblock · BY:

Well, well, well, look what the metaphorical cat dragged in: another hot, heapin’ helpin’ of life advice from “ya boi” Cockblock, the hip rooster guy here to make your life super fly, one dope-ass rhyme at a time. Believe it.

Now dear reader(s??), you know what really grinds my figurative gears? (“No, we don’t know, but we’d love to be humbled by your luscious, throbbing frustrations, Cocky-B!” – You) When suckers are bumbling all over social media like they don’t know what a damn hashtag is. When a pea-brained buffoon tweets about brunch and doesn’t even include a TwitPic link to that delectable eggs benedict he’s ravin’ about, like it’s the end-all-be-all of eggs benedict and I’m a lesser man for not being there while he gently pricks the yolk as it drizzles down the sides of a perfectly toasted English muffin, lightly blackened like a Cockney chimneysweep’s soot-stained cheeks and crisp as a spring morning, but he still can’t be bothered to take a damn photo. Consider my gears ground the fuck down, also Cockblock may have skipped lunch today.

So with that in mind, I’d like to run over some of the…


TIP 1: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING

What up, boo? You’re in line at the UPS Store and it’s taking unfathomably long for that old-ass Armenian woman to mail that box of “I could give a shits” to “Wherever The Fuck, USA”? Why are you tellin’ me about it and not everyone else on the Internet? Here’s the 411, hon: the Old Internet Gods awoke from their millennia-long slumber to bless us with Tweeters, FaceBorks, and so ons and so forths so that we, their humble servants, can fuel their apocalyptic powers by talking incessantly about our day-to-day lives on the Blogosphere. So every time you just think the phrase

“Could this line be any slower? #sigh”

instead of tweeting that shiz, that’s wasted energy that could be spent pleasing the online gods… ushering the many-tentacled return of T’weet D’ek, Consumer Of Souls And Implied Eye-Rolls, Also Herald To The End Of All-Times. Mwah hahaha..eh…

Also, isn’t the UPS Store just the worst? #tellmeaboutit


TIP 2: THERE’S NO FACE BUT DUCK FACE

A peacock doesn’t have that a-ma-zing plumage so they can be all hiding it, acting meek and self-conscious, so why aren’t you puckering your lips like the goddamn Ugly Duckling every time you snap a selfie in the bathroom mirror? Trill talk: there ain’t no modesty on the Internet – hell, it’s pretty much the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah, amirite fellas? This guy knows what I’m talkin’ about — so pout them luscious lips, squeeze them teats together, show off that six-pack, bend over like you lost a contact lens, and watch your FaceBarg friend count rise higher than the state of Colorado. #kindoftopicaljoke #weed420dankpotsmoke #rememberwhenthathappened


TIP 3: GRAM LIKE NO ONE’S WATCHING

Hey. Hey pal. We, uh, we noticed that your Instantgram account is lookin’ pretty sparse. Lookin’ pretty bone dry. Like a bone stranded in the desert, parched from thirst, and without a canteen-full of life-giving liquid to slake its bony thirst. What we’re getting at is, your phone has way too many freaking cameras on it, and you can’t even be bothered to tweet a sepia-filtered photo of your feet standing over an empty Pabst can with a #citylife hashtag after it? It’s a damn universal fact that if you didn’t upload a snapshot of it to your social network, it never happened, so you’re literally living in an empty void of inactivity for every waking moment you’re not snapping pseudo-Polaroids with your smartphone. #truthbombs

Phew, all that advice-giving’s got me plum tuckered. Tuckered as a plum, I tell you what. But if you want to be the Crowned GodKing of Social Media – and #whodoesnt? — just remember Cockblock’s Top-O’-The-Line Twitter Tips and you will soon be the master of your own damn destiny…in 140 characters or less.

Until next time, Cockbros!

Mighty Cockblock
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Mighty Cockblock Method makers show pics
03/22/2013 · CATEGORY: Picture Time · BY:

We had an awesome art reception in January and The Method Makers Collective took a few photos:

Thanks to Method Makers for hosting the show and Miss Cakes for the Cucpcakes.

Did you miss the fun? Check back here for future Cockblock events and don’t forget the show is still up for you to go see until next month so come see the art.

Best,
Cockblock
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Intro Story is Here.
03/15/2013 · CATEGORY: Comic Funtimes · BY:

Hey Guys, If you were wondering where we have been you should know that Cockblock was doing some moving of headquarters in his personal life. Sorry I been a little low on meaty updates. But hey check it out we finally got the intro section own our little story up on the site. Read it up to learn more about what cockblock is and why it is awesome. We were planning on making a short comic on this one in the future too but you can get the story summary here.

Check it out in the ABOUT section or hey! just read it here:

Story of Cockblock

Once upon a time there lived an evil shaman named THE STITCH. The Stitch was a lonely an bitter man who lived who hated all forms of love especially in people. He would toil the world disgusted by the bonds of humanity and the relationships formed by it. He also hated babies. :O

The Stitch despised humanity so much that he sought to end their futile bonds together. Using his cryptic voodoo magics he created a horrifying fetish. The Fetish’s one purpose was to stop and halt all forms of human bonding.

His plan initially failed, The fetish was hideous and frightening and could not get close enough to people for its lonely powers to work.

But then his second plan came into play. Using deceptive magics the Stitch transformed the fetish into harmless inviting chicken dolls to be loved and cuddled by all. The cursed toys would infiltrate the desires of people and destroy their goals. He then named his creation THE COCKBLOCK.

Things were all going according to plan. The Stitch created hundreds of Cockblock Dolls and unleashed them on the unsuspecting humanity. It was great and really awesome, but the smoothness of the plan was only short-lived. The Stitch eventually grew arrogant and careless in his ways. One day the Stitch was crafting a new wave of Cockblock monsters when a terrible accident took place. The result mutated one of his Cockblocks into a humanoid abomination of toy and man. This Cockblock had a conscience and was much wiser his Cockblock brethren.

The Mutant Cockblock witnessed how his fellow Cockblocks were being utilized and was appalled. In his rage he attacked The Stitch with all his might, rescued the remaining Cockblock Dolls, and fled from The Stitch’s fortress of doom.

Now THE MIGHTY COCKBLOCK lives as a fugitive who stands for the opposite of what the Stitch represents. He travels the lands to undo the horrors The Stitch has done by bringing people together though love, desire and fun. The Mighty Cockblock is accompanied by his fellow rescued Cockblock dolls who have also forsaken there dark oaths and together they will bring love and happiness to everyone they encounter. But The Stitch is not far behind. With his army of evil Cockblocks he is hunting Mighty down to destroy him.

Now you know the story and when the day comes when you encounter these two dueling entities you must make a choice. Do you stand for the joys of love and friends, or the serenity of isolation. How will you use your Cockblock?

Stay Tuned for more Cockblock content in the future thanks guys!

Mighty Cockblock
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Quick Pic: Behind Bars
03/14/2013 · CATEGORY: Picture Time · BY:

So lonely here in stair prison, but I must do my time…


Cockblock
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Quick Pic: Catching the Train
03/06/2013 · CATEGORY: Picture Time · BY:

Lonely night to find my way home.


Cockblock
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