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Monthly Archives: June 2013
What Cockblock Doll do you have?
06/26/2013 · CATEGORY: Fun Feathered Facts · BY:

With our new design of the doll rolling out, Some of you might be wondering:

“But Mighty Cockblock! How will I be able to tell which version of Cockblock Doll I have?”

Well I have made this handy guide to show you the rundown:


To start, Take your Cockblock doll and flip it upside down. Then put your face in its butt. Reallyyyy close. After some time you will realize you look like a total idiot, but you will also realize that there is a little white tag in the back that features the logo of our esteemed management company Stitchmind Artworks. These tags will represent the age and type of Cockblock you have.

Well then what kind of Stitchmind tag do you see?


I have a long ribbon like tag and the font is painted on.

Well now! if you have this tag you have yourself a rare first edition Cockblock! Chances are if you have one of these you were into our Cockblocks years ago way back in the day when The Stitch and I were but small peddlers, selling our cocky magics like crude snake-oil salesmen before our online blog was erected.

Maybe you got it from us from some doofy convention or at a dark bar while drunk one night or maybe you woke up one day and found it in your bed like a an old horse head left by a friend. Either way stand proud because you are the pioneer of supporting Cockblock Magic and that entitles you to be awesome. Congrats trendsetter!



My tag is a short and nubby loop with a printed logo:

Well these will probably be more common then the fists edition tags. What you got there is a bonafide classic Cockblock. These guys were made a few years after our first editions and make up the backbone of our Cockblock foundation (construction joke, we sometimes build little forts with them).

If you have one of these chances are you have been into Cockblock for a little while now and you’ve probably heard the joke: “It would be funny if I threw this thing at (name of your annoying friend)’s head next time I see them” a couple times now. You may even have been into Cockblock before the Blog as well. Don’t worry though, your doll’s Cockblock magics are still blazing strong.



My Tag is a square loop and have lots of writing on the back and front:

Well you can probably tell just by looking at it but you have yourself a brand new Modern Cockblock. Think of it as the new car of the Cockblock Doll kingdom sleek, sexy, and aerodynamic (probably not that last one…at all). As We stated we only recently started making these so they will be uncommon now but we will be making more later on. Just remember your Cockblock is top of the line just like you! Go you.



Uh… I don’t have any tag:

WHAT! There’s no tag?! How can this be? Well I hate to inform you buddy but you bought an imposter! A fake, a dud, a lemon, and a hoax all rolled into one. Where could such an abomination come from? Did you visit China and get some sort of “Cuckbluck” bootleg? Or maybe your crafty friend made you a bogus one from spare quilting parts. Well friend I hate to inform you but a fake Cockblock is not only of questionable Quality, it will also have absolutely NO Cockblock Magic powers in it at all. Making them useless.

I would hide it from sight (unless your shameful friend actually did make it with you then you should keep it around so you don’t hurt their feelings) and just watch out to make sure authentic Cockblock users don’t catch you and ridicule you for your shameful gimpy clone.


Well there you have it. I hope we have shed some light on the mysterious cockblock identification procedure and remember whatever type you have, We here as always thank you for supporting and loving Cockblock!

Mighty Cockblock
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Cockblock Doll’s Revised Design
06/21/2013 · CATEGORY: Announcements · BY:

Cockblock Dolls are pouring out of the headquarters like a slow unstoppable wave of molasses. I bring pangs of Joy to my hear to see fans and follwers using their Cockblock Dolls to their fullest extent.

We are never complacent however! In our never ending strive for better quality Cockblocking times, We are rolling out a new redesign for the standard white Cockblock.


As you can see the new dolls will feature big cute eyes and a higher quality surface exterior so you can rub you face all over that thang! They also get advanced wing definition and a more “blocky” feel. Mind blowing. With these new dolls, Cockblock magic can be amplified by bazillions!


You can get a new doll at our NEW SHOP! grab one today and join in the Cockblock magic.

Mighty Cockblock
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New Stitchmind Store and Cockblock Tags for sale
06/19/2013 · CATEGORY: Announcements · BY:

Stitchmind Artworks has streamlined their design and now fully intergrates Cockblock into the Stitchmind Webstore. Click on the shopping link above to get your Cockblock stuff.

We have also put up the Cockblock dogtags for online sale.

Lots of colors, lots of style, go buy one so Cockblock stops whining like a baby.

Regards,
The Stitch
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Quick Pic: Phone Call
06/16/2013 · CATEGORY: Picture Time · BY:

I haven’t used a payphone in ages. I usually use a string with a cup.


Cockblock
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Tip of the Cockblock: HOW TO BE AN A+ INTERNET COMMENTER
06/01/2013 · CATEGORY: Tip of the Cockblock · BY:

Brrring, brrring. Hello? Oh well what do you know it’s just your ol’ pal Cock-around-the-Block with a fresh batch of Internet Tips for all you sad mother ‘effers ain’t got nothin’ better to do than take life advice from a dang ol’ chicken with a website. I kid, I kid; you know Cocky B’s always got your back, bruh.

Now, if there’s one sliver of savory brain bunk that’s guaranteed to take you places on this teeny tiny blue marble, it’s certainly NOT how to leave an outstanding comment on the Internet. WELL GUESS WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT TODAY ANYWAY. Get your emoticons and money-with-angel-wings emojis ready, city slicker: call me Cory, because I’m about to go HAIM (Hard As an Internet Motherf**ker, also a reference to deceased child star Cory Haim RIP angels fly high.)



STEP ONE: ABANDON YOUR MORALS ALL YE WHO ENTER

You know how in every post-apocalyptic movie, Graphic Novel, or piece of Good Morning America fanfiction that I’ve written there are gangs of roaming marauders with rippling muscles, mohawks, and a notable lack of human decency? The Internet is a lot like that, but with fewer muscles and mohawks and a whole lot more pinstriped fedoras and Twilight Sparkle fannypacks. You not going to get to the top comment on that “red panda sneezing” YouTube video if you’re just going to be a nice guy or gal, got it? For example…

WRONG:
Whoa-ho! Call the allergist – someone’s got a case of Spring Fever! : – )

RIGHT:
obama hitler like i/u agree 420

What’s that? Did you just slam your stupid face right into your computer screen from all the crazy turbulence of me being crowned God King And Lord Savior Of The Internet in one fell swoop?? Yes. Yes you did. You should probably go see a doctor now that looks v painful.



STEP TWO: EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOU

You might as well swap in that dead ferret you call a hairpiece for a tinfoil cap, because A) literally every other person on the Internet has it out for you, and B) seriously, just embrace it and stop trying to run from it; a lot of very dignified people are bald and they live incredibly fulfilling lives.
Every time you step through the rickety doors of the World Wide Web Saloon, remember this: every Console Cowboy in Cyberspace wants to see you strung up in the, uh, Olde Town Square of…Angelfire Lagoon? Er, enough wild west imagery – my point is: TRUST NO ONE. From the darkest depths of the most eyeball-rotting message boards to the blood-spattered battle royale of (shudder) The Huffington Post’s comment section, ‘Netizens only have their basic, primal interests at heart, and won’t hesitate to throw you under a horse-drawn carriage if it means getting an extra upvote. You’ve been warned.



STEP THREE: EVENTUALLY KILL YOURSELF

Ha ha, no, I’m just playing.

STEP THREE: QUANTITY QUANTITY QUANTITY

They say that Rome wasn’t built in a day. But you know what you can do in a day? Literally comment on every article on TMZ.com with “i hear he dead.” Or tweet at ten thousand brand twitters with pornographic etchings of Sonic the Hedgehog and the Honey Smacks frog. Or register 9000 Reddit accounts and complain about dumb b’s and the friendzone until the soft summer glow of daybreak creeps across your tired eyes, your rigid fingers burning with fatigue, with…accomplishment.
Congratulations, champ: you’re an Internet commenter.
Your mom is probably super proud.

UNTIL NEXT TIME MY BEAKED BROS AND BABES,

Mighty Cockblock
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